If you’re reading this post, it’s quite possible that you know who the author is. You may have actually seen my face, or met me in person. Maybe you’ve heard me speak, or even sing before.
It’s also possible (perhaps more likely) that you don’t know me at all. You may have encountered my blog on the Internet, and the words on your screen are the only encounter you’ve ever had with me. If that’s the case, then it’s time for me to come clean about something to you.
I’m a darky. I was born one actually… No make-up or blackface here. Just my God-given skin. Yep, I’m a darky just like Oprah, Beyonce or MLK. We’re all darkies actually. That’s me, and that is my defining concept.
Or well, maybe it would have been in the 19th century. But actually, not even then.
My point with the concept is that the term “darky” used to be quite common in the United States, but now, it’s virtually extinct. Any clue why we lost “darky” from the lexicon? It was replaced by the term HUMAN. Race has become less important as a method of defining people… It is now less important than being a person. Make no mistake, I’m still a person of a certain race, but the most important descriptor of me is that I am a person.
Ok now let’s climb out of the 19th century and enter the 20th. This week, if you’re like me, you probably heard the term “interracial marriage” more in the last 48 hours than you’ve heard it used in the last 5 years. There is a reason for that… “Interracial” marriage is a THING OF THE PAST. People just get married. Those people may be white, or black or brown or any mixture thereof, but when they get married, they don’t define themselves by being interracially married anymore. They are just married. Most of the country has evolved beyond this being an issue. We’ve also evolved from the notion that these interracials produce children that are inherently evil, or they don’t have a soul. We just look at bi-racial and multi-racial people as… well… PEOPLE. Anyone asked Mariah Carey or President Obama if they have a soul lately?
Listening to the Supreme Court hearings this week, I became very upset by the continued assertion that somehow “gay” marriage is this great unknown. The justices referred to it as “uncharted territory” and “newer than cell phones or the internet.” But for us to even suggest that there’s anything new about either marriage, or being homosexual? It’s one of most ignorant arguments I’ve ever heard. As though somehow gay people didn’t want to be married before the year 2000, when the first contemporary marriages (as defined by the court) were recognized? In every moment of human history, homosexuality has existed. And in every moment of homosexuality, homosexual unions have existed, regardless of whether they were married on a government file or not. It seems that the judges and solicitors need to educate themselves on the reality of GLBT history. I recommend John Boswell’s Same-Sex Unions in Pre-Modern Europe as a start to unlock the church’s homosexual history. Or for an even quicker lesson, read the poetry of Amy Lowell or listen to the musical works of Samuel Barber and Gian Carlo Menotti… a testament to their relationship. All were Americans, and all were gay.
So here’s my suggestion… We need to not only ban the notions of “gay” marriage and “same-sex” marriage, we need to destroy them completely. Like “darky” and “interracial”, these terms will soon be relics of the past. Every time those in support of equality even acknowledge that there is somehow a “gay marriage” or “same-sex marriage” we lose the argument. Marriage is a union of people… It’s a merger. Two independent persons take an action together, and choose to combine their lives in various ways. As is said at virtually all wedding ceremonies, “marriage unites two families, and creates a new one.”
But even within this basic understanding of a marriage, no two of them are alike. Some married couples live together. Some don’t. Some have children. Some don’t. Some are monogamous for the entirety of their lives together. Some are not. But as a greater society, we honor all of these differences and recognize these people as being in a marriage… Mostly because they say they are.
So it’s time to ask ourselves… How is the action of marriage any different between two heterosexual people and two homosexual people? Do they create a new family? Does that family live together? Spend time together? Love each other? Do those families go out of their way to help each other? Do they stay together for the rest of their lives?
The answers are the same for gay and straight couples… and there’s not one perfect answer. It’s time for us to get rid of gay marriage. People meet, they fall in love, they get married. They commit their lives to each other, and it’s DONE.
Let’s stop living in the past people. The only way to truly achieve equality is to demand equality, and nothing less. So let’s do that… Say goodbye to gay marriage.
Marriage is marriage.